Presence

When Gregg and I exchanged our personally-written vows at our wedding in 2009, we chose our words carefully.  This was a second marriage for both of us, and neither of us had ever expected to be in this situation.  We were promising "forever" not only to each other, but to our combined 6 children, as well.  We believed in deep love and we hoped to set an example of this love for our children to reflect upon when they chose their own spouses one day. 

One word in particular that we each included in our vows was "presence".  We vowed to be present for one another.  This word was extremely meaningful at the time and has only strengthened in importance as the years have passed. To us, "presence" meant to truly see one another and to give each other our full attention.  It involved seeing one another as not separate from us, but deeply connected. 

When we practiced this, it required letting distractions fade to background noise and choosing to focus completely on the immediate situation or conversation.  In being present with one another, we were reminding each other that we were seen, we were heard, we were loved... in short, we mattered wholeheartedly to one another.  It became somewhat of a secret language between the two of us and the gentle reminder we gave one another when we felt ourselves (or each other) drifting. 

"Please be present with me" has saved more than one disagreement from becoming a disaster. 

This is an ongoing quest.  It takes continual practice and time.  I'm not, by any means, suggesting that we have it all figured out.  This tiny word has made such a difference in our relationship and marriage, however, that I thought it more than blog-worthy.

Presence is important in all our relationships.  I can't think of a situation where someone wouldn't value being truly heard and seen.  I struggle with this more than Gregg.  He has practiced this much longer than I have and more easily recognizes the chaos that accompanies non-presence.

I have chosen to use this photo from our honeymoon as my screensaver:

It's a great reminder to me to separate myself from the distractions of the moment and become present.  In this photo of the sand from a beach in northern California, I see individual tiny stones of all colors and sizes.  The image on my screen is very large and I cannot look at it without my eyes noticing all sorts of intricate details in the individual grains of sand.  

I breathe deeper, I relax, and I become present.

I do this as often as I think of it because my husband and family are worthy of my complete presence.

Looking very forward to a holiday season filled with Christmas presence.

Love, live, and create intentionally,

Kristi